All the Single Ladies! (part 2):Why Marrying an Ironman isn’t for Everyone

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The Marrying Man

The Marrying Man (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While on my long run I started thinking about the advice I gave in my first segment.   I stand by it completely but I think I should give the view from the other side of the nuptials.  So before you book your flight to Kona, take a peek into my world:

 

1) Ironmen are not flashy.  A BMW or a Lexus is not a practical vehicle to carry a bicycle and I have not seen many here. Pickup trucks and jeeps are the preferred mode of transportation.  In many cases their bikes are worth about as much (if not more than) their car. If you are woo-ed by luxury you will probably be disappointed.  My husband’s pick up truck is loud and rough and as far as he is concerned, date approved.

 

2)Ironmen are functional.  You will have a hard time convincing an Ironman that you need those Satin Bow Louboutins. His thought: for that cost, he can get a pair of Mizuno wave riders, a new Garmin and polarized Oakley’s. That’s just makes good sense. Besides, aren’t those shoes really uncomfortable anyway?

 

3) Damsels in distress need not apply.  Endurance athletes typically subscribe to an “All hands on deck” philosophy.  Weak women just slow down the process (think  The Hunger Games).  Last night, I ran in 1 mile to greet Jalal and bring him the last mile in.  I then sprinted the last quarter-mile or so while he was jogging in the finishers shoot.  I had to hurdle over small children in strollers and literally face palm a guy who stepped into my path like it was a challenge (ha! dumba**). All so I could get a picture of him at the finish line. True story.

 

4) Ironmen expect Ironwomen. I know. Ouch. No good way to pull that band-aid off. These guys work hard and nothing is as anti-climatic as coming home to fruit loops when your  you have your diet down to a science. Getting up to do a long run while your mate sleeps until noon gets old real fast. Now, while I do not  foresee an Ironman competition in my future (they don’t allow headphones so like they say in Shark Tank…I’m out),  I take my training seriously. Have you seen the guy I’m married to?

 

5) This goes along with 4. Ironmen will call you out on your bullsh&*%. I know spouses who look the other way while their significant other makes excuses as to why they are not taking care of themselves. They snicker to themselves while she lies to her girlfriends about her ‘healthy eating’ and how she just doesn’t understand why these stubborn pounds just won’t come off.  Not in my house. I have heard “Are you seriously going to eat that?” More times than I can count. It usually involves my occasional consumption of bacon; he gives it to me BIG each time. I tell him, at least the worms I’m eating are free range and grass-fed. 🙂

 

6)Feeling sorry for yourself is not considered sexy. Do or do not; but shut the hell up about it. We wrap, we bandage and we keep it moving. Not a lot of sympathy around here either.  I am exhausted from the drive, the excitement from the race and well… that .25 sprint took its toll. When I told Jalal I took a leisurely 11 mile pace during my 10 miler today (it was only supposed to be 8 but I got lost) he was like “Come on Nick (<—- his nickname for me), you’re faster than that.” Ugh.  I knew better than to mention any of the above.

 

Now I know I don’t paint a pretty picture but for the right girl this is a marriage made in heaven. It means coffee made for you in the morning cause he knows it helps you with morning workout. It also means a homemade breakfast waiting for you when you return home from your long run …he gets it that you are starving. It means no pressure to be skinny. Athletic men appreciate the wonderful balance of curves+ muscle achieved by women who are fit. It also means that you have someone who doesn’t just pay lip service to your dreams, he helps you achieve them.  It also means no guilt. Moms beat themselves up when they leave their babies to go for a run or to workout. We struggle to feel that we deserve that time (shouldn’t we be making homemade play dough or helping with a school project?). It makes such a difference when your spouse looks the kids in the eyes and says “Leave your mother a lone.”Ahhhhh…..

 

Yeah… keep your red soled shoes. I’m about to shake it up in the F-150!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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